Cauliflower Walnut Bolognese

As if this Cannibal Stew classic wasn't proof enough you can do an awesomely hearty vegan pasta sauce, here's another one, swapping in cauliflower & walnuts for chickpeas.

Recipe

• ~1 lb cauliflower (most of a head?) chopped into florets
• ~1/2 c walnuts (was doing some metric conversions here...)
• 1/4 c nutritional yeast
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• salt & pepper
• 3 carrots, chopped
• 1 celery stalk, chopped
• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1 tsp dried basil
• 1/2 tbsp tomato paste
• 1 28 oz can whole peeled tomatoes
• 1 c water
• 1 tsp sugar

Get your food processor out, and chop up your cauliflower, then add walnuts, then seasoning (nutritional yeast, garlic powder, onion powder, salt & pepper). Lay out on a baking sheet, drizzle with oil, and roast at 400 for at least 20 minutes, mixing up partway through.

Heat some oil in a big saucepan and add onions. Once they're looking good, add the other veggies, and cook 10 minutes or more.

Prob start your pasta in here.

Add the other seasonings to the saucepan along with the cauliflower mixture, and stir up. Mash in the tomatoes, along with the water and sugar. Simmer ~20 minutes.

OK maybe start the pasta now instead. Combine and serve!

Notes

This one came out really well! Despite a healthy appetizer of whiskey that may have resulted in some struggles with said metric conversions, and forgotten ingredients like water and sugar... Main note is, it seemed way less tomato-ey than expected, so we added an extra can of diced tomatoes and prob could have done more. Worth playing around with!

Vegan Swedish Meatballs

What caught my attention about this recipe - aside from vegan Swedish meatballs - was the "One Pot" promise. More on that below...

Recipe

Meatballs

• 8 oz cremini mushrooms, finely chopped
• 1 15 oz can cannellini beans, drained & rinsed
• 1 small onion, finely chopped
• 1 1/4 c panko bread crumbs
• 1/2 c parsley, finely chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tsp dried rosemary
• 1 tsp vegan worcestershire
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp liquid smoke
• salt & pepper

Gravy

• 3 tbsp canola oil
• 3 c vegetable broth
• 1 14 oz can coconut milk
• 1 tbsp vegan worcestershire
• 1/4 c flour
• salt & pepper

Pasta

• Recommended 4 c bowties

Combine the "meat" ingredients together, mashing the beans up. Heat up the oil in a large pot over medium-high. Roll the meatballs - they recommend about golf ball size. Cook in the pot a minute or so per side to brown. Add the gravy ingredients, stir together, and bring to a boil.

Here, they recommend adding the pasta and letting it cook in the gravy. Our experience, backed up by internet stranger comments, was that doesn't work great. The pasta took forever to get to an edible level, and in the meantime the rest of the recipe becomes a bit of a goop with no clear dividing lines between meat and gravy. The flavors killed! But I'd likely start the pasta separately, and just finish it in the pot. Will test that out soon, hopefully resulting in a more photogenic end product!

White Bean Pasta

Gave this one a try from Budget Bytes via social media...

Recipe

• 8 oz pasta (a long type like spaghetti or linguine)
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp butter
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 pint grape / cherry tomatoes
• 1/2 tsp dried basil
• salt & pepper
• 1 15 oz can cannellini beans, drained & rinsed
• 4 oz baby spinach
• parmesan

Start your pasta. Heat the olive oil & butter in a skillet, on the medium-lower heat side. Add the garlic, then tomatoes, salt & pepper, and basil. Saute until the tomatoes pop - fun! Then add the spinach and wilt it a bit, then add the beans. Heat through and get a nice thick sauce going. Then toss in the pasta! 

Vegan Avocado Mac & Cheese

In these vegan-y days, still figuring out how to find some old favorites.  Pizza's a struggle; mac & cheese does give a bit more in terms of options though.  After trying this one out, wanted to give another one a shot!

Recipe

1 large ripe avocado (or 2 small ones)
1 lemon, juiced
1 c basil leaves (loosely packed)
1/4 c cilantro
1 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
4-6 tbsp nutritional yeast (so, 6)
1/2 c + 1 1/4 c almond or other non-dairy milk
10-12 oz pasta
4 cloves garlic, minced
3 tbsp flour

• Get the pasta cooking
• Blend together the avocado, lemon juice, basil, cilantro, spices, nutritional yeast, and 1/2 c almond milk, plus a little salt
• Saute the garlic in some olive oil, then whisk in the flour, then slowly add the 1 1/4 c almond milk.
• Once the sauce thickens, remove from heat and mix in the avocado sauce.
• Pour over the pasta (cooked and drained) and eat!
• Top with more avocado, tomatoes, vegan cheese, etc.

Avocado Pesto Pasta

Found another recipe looking to use up some nearly-over-ripe avocados for an easy, hearty dinner...

Recipe

12 oz pasta
1 large avocado
1 c fresh basil
1/3 c walnuts
1 small lemon, juiced
1/2 c olive oil
1 tbsp chopped garlic
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
salt & pepper
optional topping: cherry tomatoes, halved

Cook the pasta.  In the meantime, blend or process everything else together into a creamy sauce.  Mix in with cherry tomatoes and serve!

Notes

Another really easy one - basically just takes you as long as it does to make a pot of pasta.  One thing - we usually get aggressive with garlic, but since it's not cooked, you can be a little lighter on that ingredient here ;)

Vegan Sweet Potato Mac & Cheese

I love mac & cheese, one of the things I miss with a more vegan diet these days... Found this one and figured given all the ingredients it was worth a shot...

Recipe

1 sweet potato, roasted
1/2 yellow onion
1 head garlic
1/4 c nutritional yeast
1/2 c almond or non-dairy milk
1 tsp salt
1/4 c tahini
1/2 tsp smoked paprika
3 tbsp lemon juice
12 oz pasta
bread crumbs

Roast the sweet potato until tender. In the meantime, cut the head off the garlic. Drizzle the garlic & onion with olive oil and wrap in foil; bake 25-30 minutes.

Combine all the sauce ingredients in a blender: sweet potato, onion, garlic (peeled), etc. Blend, and if it's too thick, add more milk.

Mix the sauce with the (cooked) pasta. You can top with breadcrumbs or any other favorite toppings!

Notes

I really liked this recipe, but I wasn't convinced I was eating mac & cheese - more of a sweet, somewhat cheesy pasta sauce. Overall pretty easy and tasty!

Spaghetti Squash Pad Thai

This one came out of trying to healthy-ify some favorites:

Recipe
Sauce
1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
3 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp sambal (chili paste)
1 tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp sesame oil

Tofu
1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
3 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp sambal
3 tbsp crunchy peanut butter
1 tbsp maple syrup
1 tsp sesame oil
2 tbsp water
12 oz extra firm tofu, pressed and diced

Pad thai
1 medium spaghetti squash, halved and de-seeded
4 tbsp olive oil
1 red bell pepper, chopped into strips
other stir fry veggies (e.g. mushrooms, broccoli) if you want!
4 scallions, cut into 1-2 in pieces
3 tbsp chopped peanuts
lime wedges, cilantro, purple cabbage

• Preheat the oven to 400, and roast the squash cut side down, about 30 minutes.
• Whisk together the sauce.
• Whisk together the tofu sauce, and coat the tofu pieces.  Stir fry in a wok with a little oil until golden brown.
• Saute the red bell pepper (and other veggies if needed) once the tofu's done.
• Once the squash is done, shred with a fork to make noodles.  Add it to the skillet, then add the sauce.
• Serve topped with the tofu, scallions, peanuts, lime, cilantro, cabbage

Notes
Must have been too busy digging in to take a picture.  It's a new favorite though!  Just make sure you start the squash early if you're hungry...

Zha Jiang Mian

Another ATK IG recipe: Beijing-style meat sauce...

Recipe

8 oz ground pork (we replaced with vegan crumbles)
1/8 tsp baking soda (I guess ignore for vegan crumbles)
5 tbsp red miso paste
5 tbsp soy sauce
3 tbsp hoisin sauce
1 tbsp molasses
8 scallions - white & light green in 1/2 inch pieces, dark green sliced thin
2 garlic cloves
1/2 in ginger, peeled and sliced
4 oz shiitake mushrooms, sliced
1 lb lo mein noodles
1/2 english cucumber, cut into matchsticks
6 oz bean sprouts

• Toss the pork with 2 tsp water and the baking soda, and let stand for 5 minutes.
• Whisk together 1/2 c water and the miso paste, soy sauce, hoisin, and molasses.
• Pulse the white and light green scallion parts, garlic, and ginger until coarsely chopped, then add mushrooms and make an awesome-smelling finely-chopped mixture.
• Heat pork mixture with some vegetable oil in a large saucepan for a minute, then add the mushroom mixture.  Cook 5-7 minutes.
• Add the miso mixture and cook 8-10 minutes while noodles cook.
• Combine sauce and cooked noodles, top with cucumbers, sprouts, and scallions, and eat!

Pad Thai

Super simple but AMAZING-tasting pad thai! A much lighter, brighter option than take-out. I made them without egg and I did not miss that factor at all. Also swapped peanuts for cashews.

INGREDIENTS:

-4 tbsp. canola oil

-2 garlic cloves

-4 shallots, thinly sliced

-8-10 medium sized fresh prawns, cleaned and deveined OR 8 oz. chicken OR BOTH!

-2 eggs, lightly beaten

-1 pkg. Annie Chun's Pad Thai Rice Noodles (cooked, drained, and rinsed as directed)

-1 cup bean sprouts

SAUCE:

-4 tbsp lime or lemon juice

-3 tbsp fish sauce

-3 tbsp sugar

-1-2 pinches crushed chilies or pepper flakes

GARNISH:

-2 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped

-3 tbsp roasted peanuts, crushed

-3 tbsp scallions, thinly sliced

-1 lime, cut into wedges

DIRECTIONS:

Mix sauce ingredients together. 

Prepare pasta. 

Heat wok or pan over high heat. Add 2 tbsp oil, garlic, shallots, and prawns. Cook until prawns are opaque. Set aside. 

Add remaining 2 tbsp oil and 2 eggs, then scramble. 

Reduce heat to low; add sauce and noodles. Toss until well mixed. Add prawns and bean sprouts. Toss well. Garnish with cilantro, peanuts, scallions, and lime wedges.

Skillet Sausage Pasta

Stuck at home recovering from losing soccer finals / a foot injury; unclear which one hurt more :( but the second thing made it tricky to get to the store.  A little Google homework and turned up this recipe.

Recipe

1 lb sausage
1 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 c broth
8 oz pasta (~2 1/2 c)
1 can (14 oz) diced tomatoes
1/2 c half and half or cream
Monterey jack cheese
green onion, sliced
olive oil, salt & pepper, crushed red pepper

Start the sausage and onion in some olive oil in a skillet.  Once that's lightly browned, add in the garlic for a minute or so, then the broth, pasta, tomatoes, some crushed red pepper, and salt and pepper.  Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer until the pasta is cooked.  Once that's done, stir in the cream and simmer for a minute or two.  Remove from heat and springkle with grated cheese and green onion.

Notes

This one actually worked out with most of the ingredients already on hand, with some minor tweaks (water instead of broth, milk instead of cream, chopped up old cherry tomatoes instead of canned diced, gouda instead of jack).  All worked pretty well for an easy, more southwestern pasta!

Tofu Pesto Pasta

Getting back into Veggie Monday and finding new recipes to try out.  This one looked promising...

Recipe

1 lb pasta (tricolor spiral recommended)
1 lb tofu, drained and cubed
1 lb mushrooms, coarsely chopped
1 c black olives, sliced
1 tbsp capers
1/4 c grated Parmesan
1 sprig basil

Pesto (if not using pre-made)
1/4 c olive oil
2 c milk
1 oz pesto paste

Start your pasta water (and blend the pesto if you're doing it).  Heat 2 tbsp of olive oil at medium.  Add the tofu, season with salt & pepper, and brown evenly.  Remove the tofu, and add the mushrooms for about 5 minutes.  Then stir in the olives, capers, some of the Parmesan, then the pesto and tofu.  Serve over the pasta with basil.

Notes

This was actually a lot easier to prepare than I thought - took (much) longer to boil the water for a big batch of pasta than it did to chop everything.  Lots of good flavors between the pesto, 'shrooms, olives, and capers - no problem eating enough to fill up!

One-Pot Pasta Primavera

That one pot is pulling its weight these days...  Here's the next episode of one-pot preparations, plus the latest Meatless Monday.  Original recipe here.

Recipe

4 c vegetable broth
1/2 lb linguine
1 onion, sliced
1 lb broccoli florets
1 1/2 lbs asparagus, tough ends snapped off, cut into 1-2" pieces
4 oz mushrooms, sliced
4 cloves garlic, minced
3/4 c frozen peas
1/4 c heavy cream
parsley, Parmesan cheese, lemon zest
olive oil, crushed red pepper, salt & pepper

Add the broth, pasta, onion, broccoli, asparagus, shrooms, garlic, red pepper flakes, salt & pepper to your (one) pot, and drizzle over some olive oil.  Bring to a boil; once it's there, cook 7 or so minutes, tossing with tongs.  Add the peas, cream, parsley, Parm, and lemon zest, and cook another couple minutes, until everything is basically done.  Let cool and thicken, then serve!

Notes

That's a long list of ingredients, but it probably works as a choose-your-own-vegetarian-adventure - however much you feel like chopping and tossing in a pot of whatever plants and fungi you have lying around.  Really good!  I about two-thirded things, which left me with more liquid than I expected.  The broth was delicious, though!  I didn't bother with cream, just added a splash of milk (and tons of cheese) for that dairy goodness.  Almost as good as porky ramen broth...

SunButter Dan Dan Noodles

Homemade Chinese Food!

or

MAKE AND CONSUME 4 BATCHES OF THESE NOODLES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

(From Allergy-Free and Easy Cooking)

INGREDIENTS:

8 oz. gluten-free linguine

2 cloves garlic, finely minced or pressed

2 tbsp finely minced or grated ginger

2 tbsp coconut amino acids (Worcestershire Sauce is also useable for allergy-folks, soy sauce is fine otherwise)

2 tbsp canola oil

1 tbsp dark brown sugar

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1 tbsp sriracha

1/3 cup smooth SunButter/sunflower seed butter (non-allergy-folks, peanut butter can work)

1/4 cup low-sodium chicken broth or vegetable broth

1/2 tsp salt

3 green onions, white and green parts, chopped

1 tbsp chopped cilantro

1/4 cup roasted sunflower seeds, plus more for garnish

1/2 English cucumber, peeled, quartered, and diced, for garnish.

DIRECTIONS:

1.) Bring a large pot of water to a boil over high heat. Cook the pasta according to box.

2.) In a large bowl, combine the garlic, ginger, coconut amino acids, oil, sugar, vinegar, and chile sauce. Mix well. Add the SunButter, chicken broth, and salt. Stir until smooth.

3.) Drain the pasta and combine with the sauce, tossing to coat. Mix in the green onions, cilantro, and 1/4 cup sunflower seeds.

4.) Serve garnished with the diced cucumber and a sprinkling of sunflower seeds.

NOTES:

-SO easy!! Complex flavors make it seem so much fancier/harder than it actually is!

-Recipe has a good kick, so follow it without embellishment first...

-I didn't use cilantro and honestly, I don't think it needs it...

-Second go round included some chopped greenery and chicken chunks sauteed in the sauce. I recommend those additions.

Sesame-Soy Udon with Crispy Tilapia

This recipe continues (concludes?) a few recent Cannibal Stew trends: tilapia and Plated...

Recipe

10 oz tilapia (Plated seems to like this amount of protein)
3 scallions
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tbsp cornstarch
2 tbsp tapioca (?) flour
3 tbsp sesame oil
8 oz udon noodles
3 packets (maybe a tbsp?) soy sauce
1 packet (however much you want!) sriracha
salt & pepper


Slice the scallions, separating the dark green from the rest.  Mix the cornstarch and flour.  Season the tilapia with salt & pepper, and dredge through the flour.  Heat a tbsp of oil and cook the tilapia until lightly browned, a couple minutes per side.  Remove the fish and cut into bite-size pieces.  Add another tbsp of oil and cook the tilapia until crisp and brown, a couple more minutes.  Heat the last tbsp oil in a separate pan, and cook the udon and garlic until the noodles are warmed through.  Add the soy sauce, sriracha, and light scallion parts, stir to coat, and cook a couple minutes.  Noodles then fish and scallion greens on your plate and eat.

Notes

I'd been on a good tilapia kick recently, having just pan-fried a few fillets nicely.  This recipe made me re-think that old standard.  Do I need to flour the fish every time?  Because it was deliciously crisp and brown.

The udon noodles were good too.  I'm not familiar though - are they usually pre-cooked and just need to be warmed?  It surprised me a little that we didn't have to boil up some water and stuff.  Will just have to factor that in for next time...

fancy tableware huh? at B&H's

Dragon Noodles

Next up from Balanced Bytes:

Recipe

4-6 oz. lo mein noodles (or similar, e.g., egg noodles)
2 tbsp butter
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
1 large egg
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sriracha
cilantro, green onion

Start up the noodles.  Mix together the sauce: brown sugar, soy sauce, and sriracha.  Melt the butter over med-low heat, adding the red pepper.  Whisk up the egg and add it in with the butter, stirring and breaking it up until cooked through.  If necessary, remove from heat until the noodles are ready.  Add the noodles and sauce, and mix together.  Garnish with cilantro and green onion.

Notes

Like the first one from the same website, this one is cheap and easy.  It's also very fast - that's the nice thing about noodles and eggs.  After some 15 minutes you've got a bowl of rich, spicy, eggy noodles.  My first batch didn't really seem worth a picture without the little green touches though...

Zesty Shrimp Penne

One of my favorite reasons to cook is to mix up what I'm eating, especially getting some seafood into the diet.  While I'm not a big shrimp fan, this recipe looked worth a shot (and a trip to Whole Foods to actually get some of the critters).

Recipe

1 lb shrimp, shelled and de-veined
1/3 c olive oil
1/4 c Parmesan cheese
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp brown sugar
2 tsp soy sauce
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
2 cups penne

Combine the olive oil, cheese, garlic, brown sugar, soy sauce, and red pepper flakes.  Add to a Ziploc bag with the shrimp and coat thoroughly.  Marinate for at least 30 minutes (but plenty more if you have time).

Later on...  Get your pasta going.  About halfway through, Heat a skillet and add the contents of the bag.  Cook the shrimp until done, a few minutes each side.  Toss in the pasta (and some pepper never hurts) and serve.

Notes

As with other recent pasta experiments, I was worried about the amount of sauce going on the pasta.  As I poured in the penne, I wondered if I'd missed something and if I'd just be eating plain pasta with some shrimp tossed in.  I shouldn't have.  The pasta soaks up the rich, oily marinade and just gives you mouthfuls of flavor (you can see the sheen in the picture).  This recipe packs a lot of punch for relatively few, easy ingredients and steps - a nice combination of salty and a little sweetness.  Might become a go-to recipe when I feel like splurging on (pre-shelled and de-veined) shrimp!

Penne a la Vodka

Apparently this is a manly, alcoholic pasta dish:

Recipe

1 lb penne
1 lb Italian sausage
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 lb mushrooms, chopped
1 can (16 oz) crushed tomatoes
1 c heavy cream
2 tbsp vodka
4 c loosely packed spinach, chopped
Parmesan cheese
4 tbsp butter
salt & pepper

Brown the sausage in a cast-iron skillet, then set aside to drain on some paper towels.

Probably about now, start boiling water for your pasta.

Melt the butter in your skillet, and saute the onions until soft.  Then add the mushrooms, garlic, and red pepper.  Once that's all soft, add the tomatoes, cream, vodka, and sausage.  Simmer 10 minutes.

Toss with the pasta and spinach, and top with cheese and serve.

Notes

I'll have to take their word for it that the vodka is a crucial element of the recipe - it's good but doesn't really have a drunk taste.  My main concern was really there being enough sauce to cover the pasta.  It ended up more minimal than the basic Italian/pizza joint staple.  It's a lot of ingredients to prep, but it does rotate them through one skillet - you end up needing a handful of bowls ready.  All in all a little gimmicky, but good for a couple hearty pasta meals.

There's a little bit of a comparison to the pumpkin & sausage pasta from earlier.  This one today is probably a little simpler - fewer ingredients - but the vodka maybe doesn't stand out the way pumpkin does...

Pumpkin & Sausage Pasta

I got a (premature) jump on the fall with this recipe, earmarked a while ago in the old Rachael Ray cookbook (which actually only required me to buy the sausage and Parm):

Recipe

1 lb pasta (e.g., penne, rigatoni, rotini)
1 lb Italian sausage (bulk, or removed from casing)
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 bay leaf
4-6 sage leaves, slivered
1 cup dry white wine
1 can (14 oz.) chicken broth
1 cup pumpkin
1/2 cup heavy cream
sprinkle of cinnamon & nutmeg/allspice
Parmesan cheese
olive oil, salt, pepper

Heat some olive oil in a deep pot or skillet over medium and brown the sausage.  Remove, add a little more oil, and saute the onion and garlic.  Add the wine, bay leaf, and sage; reduce the wine for a few minutes.  Next in goes the broth and pumpkin, stir together, and bring to a bubble.  Return the sausage, reduce heat, and add cream.  Season with a sprinkle of cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, and pepper and simmer five minutes.

Meanwhile, somewhere in there, start cooking the pasta.  Once everything's done, pour the sauce over the pasta and let mingle for a few minutes over low heat.  Serve with Parmesan.

Notes

First of all, Rachael recommends sweet sausage, but I got spicy because I like to live on the edge.  It was strong but delicious.  Also, I reverse-substituted allspice for cinnamon and nutmeg.

I was a little skeptical looking at everything, but it turned out delicious.  The sauce didn't really thicken, but it still worked perfectly in a nice deep bowl of pasta.  With a generous sprinkle of cheese, it's a bowl of gooey delight:

Tuna Marinara with Ravioli

Speaking of "domestic goddesses," how about Rachel Ray?  On a whim, I dug back into one of her 30-minute meals cookbooks for this recipe.  More to come...  Anyway, I subtitle this one "dinner from cans."

1 package (12-16 oz) ravioli
1 can (6 oz) tuna
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 onion, finely chopped
3-4 tbsp olives, chopped
1 can (15 oz) crushed tomatoes
parsley &/or basil garnish

Cook the ravioli to al dente.  Meanwhile, heat a skillet (medium), add olive oil, then garlic, then tuna (drained).  Break up the tuna, then add the onion and cook for 3-5 minutes.  Then add olives and tomatoes and simmer for a few minutes.  By now, the ravioli should be done; in it goes.  Mix, garnish and serve.

When I think of it, I try not to over-season dishes.  This one, I dunno, maybe was missing a little something?  So next time I'd add a little more salt and pepper at key moments.  Otherwise, there's a decent bit of chopping to get started, but Rachel probably has the timing about right.

Spaghetti alla Carbonara

I haven't cooked this one in a while, but it's definitely worth including in the archives here...  The backstory comes from when I was just starting to think about cooking for myself more, was hungry one night but didn't want to get groceries.  With help from Google and the Food Network, I found a recipe for which I actually had all of the key ingredients on hand - pasta, eggs, bacon, garlic, olive oil and parmesan cheese. Here goes:

The Recipe

1 lb spaghetti
4 oz bacon (or pancetta), chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 eggs
1 cup grated Parmesan
pepper

Get all your ingredients queued up because this moves fast.  Start your pasta.  Beat the egg and Parmesan together.  Meanwhile, heat your oil, then bacon until crisp, then garlic for about a minute.  Your pasta should be done here - add it to the pan with about 1/2 cup of the water.  After that's mixed, turn off the heat and add the egg/cheese and some pepper.  Eat.

Notes

Returning to this recipe many, many times over the following months, I refined it to my liking with a few footnotes to the Food Network recipe:

• Start the oil just a minute or two after the pasta goes in the pot.
• Plop the bacon in with around five minutes to go. It hits that perfect point quickly! One minute it looks like it'll end up undercooked, the next it's crisping up...
• I suck at cracking eggs.
• Don't strain the pasta. Just pour out as much water as you can without losing any noodles, and the rest of the pot gets tossed with the rest of the mix.
• Never bother with parsley or (ugh) peas.

After a quick but intense 15 minutes or so, you too can end up eating this: